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How do ya get a guitar player off your front porch ?...................................................................................................Pay him 4 the pizza, Bada Boom............Ankyu,.........no,. Please.


How do ya get a guitar player to play quiter ?............................................................................................Put sheet music in front of him......KA-CHING,....................Ankyu,.........................Ankyu...............................Please stay seated.

Whaddaya throw to a guitarist when he's drowning?

- His Marshall stack

What do you call a beautiful woman on a keyboard player's arm?

A tattoo.

Hey what the hell time is it down under. All of a sudden I'm under attack in the South Pacific again.


Wayne forced me to buy pedals, it sounded so good I grabbed a cheap pair on ebay. I can't do the walkin' B3 bass yet, but I love holding big fat bottom end synth on it.

And Husker the Expressionmate is very deep !! I am using it on the same channels as my mixers and FX controllers, only doing bends still sorry. I have too many toys, and they have kept me way busy. I need to learn more on triggering arpeggiators & stuff.


BTW, this is guitar only jokes, and I'm super sensative.

3pm in Perth, 4.30 pm in Adelaide, 5 pm in Sydney, 7pm in aotearoa

But i digress, and shall again: What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you throw a banjo down a well and it doesn't touch the sides.

In other developments, me & some cobbers invented a nice saying the other day, good for lush hecklers - "Tuck your nuts in, mate!" -Feel free to use this on unruly punters.

Goin' barefoot on the pedals at the moment, J - the heel toe thing for smooth chromaticism is working well

Well I can't try that tonight, I start my graveyard shift @ 0100 hours. This shift sucks until Thursday, but hopefully the dancers stop by after their show. These babes are built, and they dance in a group w/ their drinks for 3 or 4 songs, and even show some showroom moves. Otherwise I'd fall asleep. I woke up yesterday @ 1300 hours ! I haven't slept in like that 4 a long time.

Gotta go pack up a DAWg and get to work.


I now have great jokes to torture my " Rock Star " guitarist with.


No Worries Mate,


JV

Honestly, I don't know, poking fun at guitarists...oh, go on then!

What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise ..."

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar

Did you hear about the guitarist who was in tune ?
Neither did I

Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?
So the rest of the band can understand them

What do you call a guitarist who breaks up with his girlfriend ?
Homeless ..

How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughn tune ?
Evidently all of them.

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
None...they just steal somebody else's light

Two guys were walking down the street ...one was destitute ...
the other was a guitar player as well ..

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on ?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

How does a lead guitarist change a lightbulb ?
He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
Counterpoint.

Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish ..

badda-bum *tish*

/coat

Counterparts wrote:
What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common ?
Both suck when you plug them in


/coat

I heard a variation of this from my drummer -

What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drum kit?

The positioning of the dirtbag

I just got back and saw these. They are the kind. I will torture my guitarist and the audience as well. Thanks counterparts for an in depth approach to guitarist jokes.

husker wrote:What do you call a beautiful woman on a keyboard player's arm?

A tattoo.

That ain't funny. C'mon I'm sensative.

Guitar jokes only !!

yeah guys, keyboardists are so cool there's nothing about them to make fun of. Take him for example:



I mean, at the bottom of our hearts, I think all keyboardists want to be like him. Right? Let's have a moment of honesty here.

... and the thread became ... silent ...

25 years ago I could have competed with him - in look, not piano skills tho

a bitter moment of honesty, Tom
anyway - I survived the 70s and the 80s

Counterpart, some great ones you had there
(specially the guitarist in tune = counterpoint one ).

Believe it or not, he won the Sergei Rachmoninoff competition as a kid, which is quite an achievement. And just to grow up in Texas as a classical pianist must have toughened him up a little. As they are big time C & W music lovers, football, and guns. My father use to say back in his more racially challenged days, Good 'ole Texas, the lowest form of white man in the country. So I bet he threw a few punches as a kid down there.

Leave him alone. There have been a few astonishingly talented classical pianists who have made "easy listening" albums. Everyone has to eat.

Mmmh ... Texas.... tough place .... one famous Australian band were there .... ready to break the big time .... until the lead singer told the audience .... "I hear oral s*x is still illegal here ...... what a bunch of pussies ...." Apparantly there were bets on whether he would get shot. Needless to say, the suits walked out early. No big time .....

I performed in Austin during a college Spring break years ago, and down on 6th street, ther are all kinds of live bands playing, very much fun. When you leave that neighborhood though, you better wear a Stetson and learn to say the word yes w/ 2 syllables. Phoenetically pronounced would look like this...................Yaa-ess. Seriously. 2 syllables,....no shit.

JoeBob,....go get a rope, we got us a real Yankee here !!

JV

here are som more ( guitar not mentioned )
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/